Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
