You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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