I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
