the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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