Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
