I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
