moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
