1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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