I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
