Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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