oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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