I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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