Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh god it's open bar.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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