just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
