You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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