The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
