can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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