His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
