Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
