She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
