At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
