Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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