she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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