Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm passing your future prison.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
