my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
