Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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