Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
