I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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