I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize