Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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