I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
