Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
