I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
