i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
