just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize