He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
