Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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