my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
