Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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