I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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