how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
