Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
