After last night, I could never be a politician.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
