I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
