I'm really into asian looking animals
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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