How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
