I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
