She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
