We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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