I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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