Small penises have feelings too.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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