I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize