She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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