I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
