jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
