If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
