I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize