why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
