we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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