the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize