thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wish my penis had a tongue
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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