It's Friday. Sex?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
