once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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