i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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