Where did you get a picture of my penis
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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