"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
