Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I cannot find my penis.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
