I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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