I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
