Acid is not a monday night drug
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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