I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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