Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
