i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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