We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
